


bonding for the sensibly-challenged

by bluewalk



Series: 30_onepiece: Sanji [19]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 21:58:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluewalk/pseuds/bluewalk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[#2 justice] <em>"you are undoubtedly offensive enough as you are."</em></p><p>Possible continuation of "<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/287479">highly objectionable</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	bonding for the sensibly-challenged

“You know, this is completely your fault.”

“I’m pretty sure it was your ugly mug that got us into this.”

“No, pretty sure it was your curly-browed idiocy.”

“Your offensive green-headedness.”

“Your extremely unfortunate whine of a voice.”

“Your brutish lack of wits.”

“Your—”

“WILL YOU TWO QUIT YOUR YAPPING.”

"Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the cell this morning.”

“All sides of the cell are the wrong sides.”

“Yes. Point taken.”

“By the way, you stink.”

“Seriously, when was the last time you had a bath?”

“Or even heard the word ‘bath’?”

“MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.”

“We’re just saying that—”

“—hygiene is very important.”

“SHUT UP.”

“You know, I’m not sure I want to share a cell with Mr. Grumpy here.”

“You’re right, he’s not pleasant to be around at all.”

“I’M RIGHT HERE. I CAN HEAR YOU.”

“Eavesdropping. What an absolute lack of decorum.”

“Behavior that could put even you to shame, marimo-kun.”

“?!”

“Now that I think about it—”

“Don’t hurt yourself now.”

“—aren’t you worried that prolonged exposure to this gentleman here will teach me even worse manners?”

“That is indeed a very grave concern that will plague me with nightmares for weeks to come.”

“Isn’t it your duty, then, to save my poor barbarian self from the negative influences of the dregs of our society?”

“It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.”

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO ASSHOLES BABBLING ABOUT. WHO’S A DREG.”

“And I’m sure Nami will understand if we broke out to prevent such an unspeakable thing from happening.”

“It is a dire situation after all. I am afraid there is no viable alternative.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t want to further offend the ladies’ delicate sensibilities. Or yours.”

“Because you are undoubtedly offensive enough as you are.”

“HEY. ARE YOU IGNORING ME.”

“So. For great justice?”

“For great justice.”

“LISTEN, YOU TWO, I—”

The cell door is blown away, along with the walls.

Later, when asked to recount the events to the investigative officers, he would not be able to remember the exact moment of the explosion, or how it happened, only that the two young hooligans that were in there with him were the rudest, most despicable sons of pirates, and if anyone needed to learn some manners, it was most definitely those two, couldn’t even let a man sleep for god’s sake, and then leaving him for dead underneath all that rubble, I mean, honestly, kids these days, no respects for their elders at all, and did you see the green hair on that one, and the way the other was smoking like a chimney, those good-for-nothing punkasses, just who did they think they were, and he did _not_ stink, thank you very much, I mean, you try being in a jail cell for weeks on end, it does things to a man, you know, and…

 

 

 

Back on the Sunny, Sanji looks up from scrubbing the dishes to say, “I feel like we forgot something.”

“Nah,” Zoro grunts into his bottle of well-deserved rum. “You think too much.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 20 October 2011
> 
> You know what they say, there are friends who will bail you out of jail, and then there are best friends who will commit very public destruction of court property with you and openly insult the presiding judge with you and end up in the same jail cell as you and help you break out with your combined powers of snark and man-grit…..
> 
> BFFL.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Chinese translation on "bonding for the sensibly-challenged"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/408552) by [renata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/renata/pseuds/renata)




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